one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
