its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
