Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
