is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
