there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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