I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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