I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just pee around me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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