maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
