Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
