You're so nebulous sometimes
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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