You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
