She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
