I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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