Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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