I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
