in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
