I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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