just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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