God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
