my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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