We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
