i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
