it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
