I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
