I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just found puke in my bra..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
