More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
