New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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