you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
