i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
