thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
