You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
