Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
