I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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