i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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