i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
