can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
