Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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