Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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