i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
