wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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