she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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