I'm really into asian looking animals
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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