Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
