I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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