I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
