This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
