I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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