i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
