Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
