I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
